Ritualistic Make-up

I remember watching our mother dressing herself at the dressing table. Putting on lipstick, shindoor, teep (Bengali word for Bindi). Combing her hair and putting it in a bun.  And I remember watching our aunt dressing herself at her dressing table and noticing the difference.  Yes there was the obvious lack of shindoor(red powder added to the forehead and hair parting of married women). But there was something more.  Our aunt took pleasure in ritualistically dressing herself and our mother didn’t.  Years later our aunt came to visit us in Canada.  I remember getting out of the shower one evening and taking some lotion with me to bed. I simply wanted to put some on my feet. She said something about wanting to witness how I had finally learned to love myself.  I remember feeling angry in the pit of my stomach.  How dare she? How dare anyone talk to me of self-love?  I was always taught to not care about one’s looks, because it shows conceitedness.  But we were also reprimanded for not caring about our looks.