Tears for Flowers, Embroidery and Chocolate

        Yesterday and the day before consisted of many tears, for me.  So much so that the husband and I began to question what my hormones were up to.  I believe I mentioned a certain flower shop, in “A Walk to Netherfield”.  My husband and I frequently look at the flowers but, we never get any.  However, on Sunday he asked if I was interested in going for a walk with the little one, to which I replied in the affirmative.  But I also asked if I could get some flowers.  To this he replied, “They die so quickly”.  I was quite upset.  The reason being, we don’t buy flowers for ourselves because we feel that someone special ought to do that for us.  We learn to not expect anything on any special occasions because, the gift of flowers should not require any occasion.  And therefore, we never get flowers.  I am not picky.  I would be happy with dandelions or wild daisies picked from any obliging field.  And then, I feel horrible, because other than the bit about flowers my husband is quite loving and attentive.  But yesterday, asked him his opinion about a vintage yet modern outline of a heart pattern that I wished to embroider and place above our headboard.  And I get the reaction, “That’s a little weird”.  Before I knew it, my heart was in my throat strangled with emotions.  I knew the multitude of reasons for the tears; one of them being that he dismissed my intentions and feelings for what placing the heart in the bedroom meant to me.  To sum it all up, I dreamt last night of my husband staying up all night to bake rice crispy squares. To my further delight of the dream, he had also written the word “empress” in chocolate on the plate.  I believe my visions are just telling me that I crave a little appreciation, especially when I feel most vulnerable, in the full throes of new-motherhood.